I want you to take a moment to imagine the rooms in your house: your bedroom, living room, kitchen, and so on.
When I picture mine, I think of all the little quirks that make it feel like home: my dog’s teeth marks in the kitchen baseboards, the photos hanging above the living room couch, and the unfinished basement (a work in progress if there ever was one).
Quirks aside, I’m sure we can agree that each room in your house serves a different purpose.
You wouldn’t expect your bedroom to function as a kitchen, or your washroom to double as a living room (that would just be weird). But together, when used for their intended purposes, the rooms create balance and make your home livable.
Our identities work in a similar way. Each “room” represents a part of who we are: an athlete, friend, sibling, student, and so on. Some rooms are larger because we spend more time in them. Others are smaller but no less important.
The Rooms of Identity
A healthy identity is like a house with many different rooms. The more rooms you spend time in and care for, the sturdier your foundation becomes. Because when one room (like the “athlete” room) temporarily closes (whether from injury, burnout, or a tough season), you still have the rest of the house to live in.
As athletes, it’s easy to slowly move all our furniture into one room. Before we know it, every ounce of energy, purpose, and self-worth is tied to training and performance, and the athlete room becomes where we eat, sleep, and live. For a while, that can feel motivating, but over time it makes the rest of the house unstable.
In sport, it’s easy for your whole sense of self to hinge on how you perform. Maybe a hockey player gets benched, a swimmer misses a big meet, or a runner hits a slump. Suddenly, it can feel like someone pulled the rug out from underneath you. Your identity is shaken and you don’t know who you are anymore. But when you’ve spent time in other “rooms” of your life (like family, friends, school, hobbies, or personal passions) you have something solid to lean on. These other rooms give you stability and perspective, even when the athlete room feels shaky.
When One Room Closes
I didn’t truly understand how fragile that balance was until one of my own rooms closed.
Last year, I sustained a severe stress fracture. For someone whose identity was deeply tied to running, the door to my athlete room hadn’t just closed – it had been slammed in my face.
Not only could I not run, I couldn’t even walk. I had to accept the reality that this part of me was on pause. For a while.
At first, I felt lost. My daily structure, the goals I had worked so hard for, my sense of direction – all of it had revolved around training. But with running off the table, I was forced to spend more time in other rooms of my life.
I invested more time in my family. I poured my energy into completing my Master’s in Counselling Psychology. I even took a proper vacation – something I rarely let myself do while training 14-15 hours a week.
Looking back, I can see how valuable that time was. While I certainly didn’t appreciate being locked out of the athlete room at the time, stepping away gave me perspective. It helped me better understand the role that sport and performance play in my life. On the other side of my injury, I could see that running was something I do, not the entirety of who I am.
Building a Stronger Balanced House
If you feel like your whole identity lives in one room, consider:
- Take inventory of your rooms: Identify the areas of your life outside of sport, including friends, family, hobbies, school, or work, and recognize the roles they play in who you are.
- Invest time and energy into them: Nurture these other parts of yourself so they feel meaningful and alive, even when sport takes center stage.
- Set small goals beyond performance: Celebrate progress that isn’t tied to performance metrics: finishing a book, learning a new skill, deepening a friendship, or exploring a new interest.
Being an athlete will always be a meaningful room in your house. But it’s not the whole house.
The more time and energy you give to the other rooms, the stronger your foundation becomes. That way, when the athlete room closes for a while, you can still live confidently and fully in the rest of your house.
A balanced identity doesn’t just help you handle tough seasons, it helps you stay grounded and ready for whatever comes next, on and off the ice, field, or court.
This blog was written by Coach Elaina
Blair has over 13 years of experience as a Professional Dancer, Assistant Dance Captain & Cast Manager, as well as an additional 17 years of training. Over the last 3 decades, she has lived and experienced first hand the highest of highs & lowest of lows that come with pursuing a career in the Performing Arts.
As a former member of McMaster University’s women’s soccer team, Emilie intimately understands the demands and challenges athletes face on and off the field. Although she encountered many challenges as a high-level athlete, particularly struggling with self-doubt and overthinking, Emilie was able to make a remarkable transformation when she began to embrace the principles of sports psychology.
Danielle Hanus, MA
Monica Russell, MA
