Winning versus enjoyment: what matters more?
The tension between the two is one that many high performers struggle with. I got this question recently, and the person said, “it’s not just about winning – but it’s ultimately all about winning.”
This conundrum can create a lot of inner conflict without the mental model to resolve it.
You can be left oscillating between an unhealthy win-at-all-costs mentality that leaves you frustrated and consumed with the results. Or on the other end, you lose the competitive fire needed to perform at your best.
In this recent video, I share the mental models to resolve this age-old conundrum. I’ll briefly walk you through three concepts below (make sure to watch the video for more details and diagrams).
1) Internal Experience vs External Results
Comparing enjoyment versus winning is comparing an internal experience (e.g., enjoyment), versus the external result (e.g., winning, stats, etc.). They are not dependent on each other and the goal is to have both. But they’re very different and we want to treat them differently.
This is why that question of enjoyment versus winning can inherently just be misleading. Nonetheless, the goal here is to help you process and decide what you want to prioritize.
2) Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Motivation
The mistake athletes and high performers make, as they climb the ranks, is to confuse their external goals and results as to why they play. You can have both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, but the best athletes in the world stay connected to their intrinsic drivers.
3) Choose Your Priority
You have to choose what your priority is. What is the number one thing?
Most people make the mistake that their achievements are their priority (e.g., what I want to have, what I want to achieve, the results of the winning).
They only focus on who they’re going to be in the experience (e.g., play with confidence) in order to get those results. The paradox is this makes their mindset worse and less likely to achieve the results.
But when you flip the priorities, when you focus first on who you want to be, how you want to show up – aka Mindset First — that’s when you get clarity, that’s when the actions flow and the results, well, they’re not guaranteed, but the probability is now going to go up.
And the best part is you’re more likely to enjoy the whole experience and the journey.
Who Do You Choose To Be?
There’s an important point to clarify here. When you focus on who you’re being (your mindset), and the enjoyment in that, you’re not sacrificing competitive fire or killer instinct.
You’re often heightening it because you are intentionally choosing to be in attack mode. By playing with more patience and aggressiveness you will have more poise
The Big Trap
Most people will focus on their mindset because that’s going to lead to better results.
But this is the big trap – you are prioritizing the results again.
Instead, I want you to prioritize the process for the sake of itself. This is where enjoyment comes from, because enjoyment is not just dependent on results.
It is about who you are, the process, the game itself, and the experience. That is what evokes enjoyment.
This is a lot easier said than done. The results are everywhere – stats, social media, standings, cultural norms. People are talking and obsessing about results.
But when you can prioritize the process over the results – that’s what I call the realm of the super elite.
Make sure to watch the full video for more details and diagrams.
Please share this with anyone you think would be interested.
Nicholas Santino is a Senior High-Performance Coach, PhD Candidate, and the official Mental Performance Consultant for Elite Prospects. From his specialized psychology research program, to his PhD studies, Nicholas has gained a tremendous foundation of knowledge and appreciation for the human experience. His passion for psychology has accumulated to a commitment to studying and applying positive psychology and stoicism. This commitment has led Nicholas to conduct many research studies focusing on understanding why and how some people thrive and prosper while others do not. His admiration for evidence-based solutions has propelled Nicholas to produce studies revolving around mindfulness, grit (perseverance and passion), performance, quality participation, social relationships, and well-being.
A Native of Quebec, Sara was part of the St. Lawrence University Women’s Ice Hockey team that competed in the NCAA Division 1 hockey league ECAC. During this time, Sara helped her team appear in four ECAC Hockey Tournaments and two NCAA Frozen Fours, and was a four-time member of the ECAC Hockey All-Academic Squad. Following her career at St. Lawrence University, Sara played one year of professional hockey with Lugano, where she truly honed her skills in understanding the intricate connection between mindset and performance.
Blair has over 13 years of experience as a Professional Dancer, Assistant Dance Captain & Cast Manager, as well as an additional 17 years of training. Over the last 3 decades, she has lived and experienced first hand the highest of highs & lowest of lows that come with pursuing a career in the Performing Arts.
Natasha Habert draws from her training in sport and performance psychology, personal experiences as a competitive athlete, and deep passion for consistent high performance. She is a lifelong athlete and high performer, excelling in volleyball as both a player and coach.
Luciano’s hockey career is highlighted by his time playing college at the University of Victoria and two professional seasons in Europe. Throughout his career, he struggled with performance anxiety, a lack of consistency, fluctuations in confidence, and being caught in the results trap. This eventually led him to deviate from the main reason why anyone should play sports – for the enjoyment of the game. As a former athlete, Luciano has a unique understanding of the psychological pressures and struggles that athletes experience.
Alexis Woloschuk is a name synonymous with mental fortitude in the world of professional hockey. Throughout her career originating playing boys hockey, going to an academy away from home, playing her four years at Boston University and 7+ years in pro hockey she’s learned the importance of resilience, confidence, and dismissing both fear and other’s opinions. With a blend of relatability, confidence, and an acute understanding of playing to one’s potential, Alexis helps athletes reshape the way they perceive and harness the power of their minds.
Sean Mahoney is a member of the Association for Applied Sport Psychology (AASP), and a Master’s candidate in the Sport and Performance Psychology program at the University of Denver. For as long as he can remember, Sean has been fascinated by human performance and how to gain an edge over the competition. For most of his athletic career, he focused on the physical aspect of performance but neglected the mental. Because of this, he struggled with performance anxiety, focus issues, and limiting beliefs pertaining to confidence and self-doubt. His lack of focus on optimizing his mental game prevented him from reaching his full potential.
Savannah Fitzgerald is earning her M.A. in Kinesiology, Sport Psychology Option at California State University, Fresno. Possessing an internal motor that fires her rage for success, Savannah forged this attribute over five years while competing as an NCAA D-I water polo player and swimmer. Combined with her opportunity to represent and compete for the United States, she feels that sport has significantly impacted her professional development. Due to her personal experience playing at all levels, Savannah’s passion for mental performance began when she struggled to overcome pre-competition nerves and post-competition processing. When she discovered a world out there that people were referring to as ‘sport psychology,’ she felt like a piece of her brain was unlocked. Reality shifted as she stumbled into a space consisting of the most beautiful blend of elite performance, mental well-being, and athletics.
Gabe is currently completing his Master’s in Counselling Psychology at the University of Victoria. Although Gabe played several years of high-level baseball, including a stint in the British Columbia Premier Baseball League (BCPBL), he chose hockey as his sport to pursue at the highest level possible. Gabe went on to play four years of junior hockey with the Richmond Sockeyes in the Pacific Junior Hockey League (PJHL) while also coaching minor hockey. Prior to junior hockey, Gabe played 3 years in the Canadian Sport School Hockey League (CSSHL) where he experienced the pressures and expectations of moving on to the next level. During those three years, Gabe constantly compared himself to others and struggled with coping when things did not go his way. Over time, he learned how to focus on his own process and path to the next level, while also developing strategies to improve well-being.
Louie is a mental performance coach from Toronto, Canada with a professional hockey career spanning over 14 years. Being a standout player at the University of Michigan, Louie was a Hobey Baker finalist and a 1st team All-American, which led him to getting drafted by the Ottawa Senators and playing in renowned leagues across the globe, including the DEL, SHL, and AHL.
Mia Landry is a former varsity hockey player at Brock University, where she competed at the USPORT level and was part of the 2021-22 OUA gold medal team. Mia currently represents Canada on the Women’s National Ball Hockey team and is pursuing a Master of Kinesiology Sport Psychology at her alma mater. Her research focuses on areas such as team cohesion, group dynamics, leadership styles, and sports culture.
As a former member of McMaster University’s women’s soccer team, Emilie intimately understands the demands and challenges athletes face on and off the field. Although she encountered many challenges as a high-level athlete, particularly struggling with self-doubt and overthinking, Emilie was able to make a remarkable transformation when she began to embrace the principles of sports psychology.
Max is currently attending William James College, where he is earning a Doctorate Degree in Clinical Psychology and a Masters Degree in Professional Psychology. During his time as an undergraduate student, Max was inducted into the International Honor Society in Psychology (Psi Chi), and played on the Quinnipiac University men’s club ice hockey team.
