Let’s go back to when I was 17 years old.
I’m playing in the OHL and it’s my NHL draft season — as a young Canadian, it has always been my dream to play in the NHL and I’m now getting closer to that dream.
So before the big season, I do what a lot of athletes do — I get a pen and paper and write down my goals:
- Put up a ton of points
- Get drafted to the NHL
But I don’t stop there. I write down all the milestones and goals I want to achieve over the next 5 years and I create this perfect yellow-brick-road to achieving my dream.
Well how did it go?
The Downward Spiral
The first couple steps were not bad — I was flying out there and feeling pretty good, but then, BAM — I fell off that yellow-brick-road pretty quick.
I went from being on the starting line up for the home opener to barely playing.
Just imagine, I’m 17 years old, and all I want is to be on the ice — chasing down my dream. But instead, I am getting healthy scratched, which means I’m not even on the bench. I’m stuck in the stands — forced to watch all my peers chase their dreams…
On the other hand, I did get to eat lots of popcorn.
Unfortunately, I did that 48 times that season — that was way too much popcorn!
I clearly was not in a great mental state… but, even worse, I also became a poor teammate.
I became jealous and envious of many of my teammates. I was not helping to create a healthy culture
Instead, I was hurting it.
I didn’t say it out loud, but I often hoped my teammates would fail so that I could selfishly get an opportunity.
As a forward, I finished that season with zero points — a far cry from the goals that I set.
In case it isn’t clear, you don’t get drafted to the NHL with zero points.
Rock Bottom
The worst part wasn’t failing miserably at my goals. Nor was it eating all that stale popcorn.
What hurt the most was when the season ended and I went back to my hometown in Northern Ontario.
At the time, I’m the only guy in my hometown playing in the OHL — so I am not a big deal but also I am kind of a big deal within a small town.
And someone has the nerve to say “Hey, if I played 34 games in the OHL, I would have at least put up 1 point.”
A massive gut punch…
After all the failure and struggle throughout the season, getting called out and embarrassed by my peers in my hometown was the final straw.
I hit rock bottom and I truly considered quitting.
The Silver Lining
But I decided I was not going to let this failure, which felt so embarrassing, to define me. I stopped the pity party.
I made the choice to move forward and not let it ruin my love for the game.
And I’m sure glad I did. I played 8 more seasons of competitive hockey including a cup of coffee in the pros. I made great friends and memories, won a championship, and I still love competing against my friends on the outdoor rink today.
I share this story because there is a silver lining in every failure. Although I failed hard and experienced all that pain, it gave me a new found perspective that made all the other challenges I’ve faced in my life a lot easier to overcome.
You see, failure is not inherently a bad thing.
Rather, when you embrace challenges, they serve as a powerful source of grit.
Voids Drive Values
For me, embracing this challenge, growing from it, and moving forward became the driving force behind my entire career as a Mental Performance Coach.
Our voids drive our values — a lesson taught to me by one of my mentors Dr. John Demartini.
And looking back now, it’s obvious what happened in my NHL draft season. And it’s the same thing I’ve seen happen to so many others.
I got sucked in by the allure of the results.
I was so obsessed with my external goals that I completely overlooked who I wanted to be.
And even worse, I lost touch with why I loved the game in the first place.
But this experience created this massive void which drove me to go to university for 12 years, read 100’s of books on the mental game, and get to work directly with some of the top performance coaches in the world.
I’ve spent the last 20 years of my life like a mad scientist trying to crack the code, to challenge the status quo, and come up with a new way to approach sport and life – so that I could fill this void.
Problem vs Solution
To be clear, the void that I experienced and I see so many others going through now is the results first approach (aka the problem) — which is where you:
- Live outside-in and the external world dictates how you feel
- Disconnect from your love of the game
- Lack clarity on who you want to be
This void created a value and a need to solve that problem. Which is why I do the work that I do now, why I created CEP Mindset – one of the largest Mental Performance Coaching firms in North America, and why I wrote the book Mindset First.
My work, CEP, and my book are all centered around the values of the Mindset First approach (aka the solution) — which is where you:
- Live inside-out, take control of your mindset, then go tackle the outer world
- Connect with your intrinsic drivers and the love of the game
- Develop clarity and certainty in who you want to be
Most of the athletes and clients we work with at CEP don’t even realize the problem. And if you don’t know what the root problem is, then you certainly won’t be able to get the right solution.
Take Action
The bottom line is don’t let failure define you. Instead, use it to propel you forward.
The silver linings found in adversity can come in many different forms. Often these moments can be great opportunities to develop mental strength and clarity.
They provide an opportunity to look within, detach from the noise, and stay connected to what drives you.
Don’t waste a great learning opportunity.
Take action, take the inside-out approach, and prioritize who you want to be over what you want to achieve – be Mindset First.
Nicholas is a Senior High-Performance Coach and holds a doctorate in Sport & Exercise Psychology. From his specialized psychology research program, to his PhD studies, Nicholas has gained a tremendous foundation of knowledge and appreciation for the human experience. His passion for psychology has accumulated to a commitment to studying and applying performance psychology and stoicism. This commitment has led Nicholas to conduct many research studies focusing on understanding why and how some people thrive and prosper while others do not. His admiration for evidence-based solutions has propelled Nicholas to produce studies revolving around mindfulness, grit (perseverance and passion), performance, quality participation, social relationships, and well-being.
A Native of Quebec, Sara was part of the St. Lawrence University Women’s Ice Hockey team that competed in the NCAA Division 1 hockey league ECAC. During this time, Sara helped her team appear in four ECAC Hockey Tournaments and two NCAA Frozen Fours, and was a four-time member of the ECAC Hockey All-Academic Squad. Following her career at St. Lawrence University, Sara played one year of professional hockey with Lugano, where she truly honed her skills in understanding the intricate connection between mindset and performance.
Blair has over 13 years of experience as a Professional Dancer, Assistant Dance Captain & Cast Manager, as well as an additional 17 years of training. Over the last 3 decades, she has lived and experienced first hand the highest of highs & lowest of lows that come with pursuing a career in the Performing Arts.
Natasha Habert draws from her training in sport and performance psychology, personal experiences as a competitive athlete, and deep passion for consistent high performance. She is a lifelong athlete and high performer, excelling in volleyball as both a player and coach.
Luciano’s hockey career is highlighted by his time playing college at the University of Victoria and two professional seasons in Europe. Throughout his career, he struggled with performance anxiety, a lack of consistency, fluctuations in confidence, and being caught in the results trap. This eventually led him to deviate from the main reason why anyone should play sports – for the enjoyment of the game. As a former athlete, Luciano has a unique understanding of the psychological pressures and struggles that athletes experience.
Alexis Woloschuk is a name synonymous with mental fortitude in the world of professional hockey. Throughout her career originating playing boys hockey, going to an academy away from home, playing her four years at Boston University and 7+ years in pro hockey she’s learned the importance of resilience, confidence, and dismissing both fear and other’s opinions. With a blend of relatability, confidence, and an acute understanding of playing to one’s potential, Alexis helps athletes reshape the way they perceive and harness the power of their minds.
Sean Mahoney is a member of the Association for Applied Sport Psychology (AASP), and a Master’s candidate in the Sport and Performance Psychology program at the University of Denver. For as long as he can remember, Sean has been fascinated by human performance and how to gain an edge over the competition. For most of his athletic career, he focused on the physical aspect of performance but neglected the mental. Because of this, he struggled with performance anxiety, focus issues, and limiting beliefs pertaining to confidence and self-doubt. His lack of focus on optimizing his mental game prevented him from reaching his full potential.
Savannah Fitzgerald is earning her M.A. in Kinesiology, Sport Psychology Option at California State University, Fresno. Possessing an internal motor that fires her rage for success, Savannah forged this attribute over five years while competing as an NCAA D-I water polo player and swimmer. Combined with her opportunity to represent and compete for the United States, she feels that sport has significantly impacted her professional development. Due to her personal experience playing at all levels, Savannah’s passion for mental performance began when she struggled to overcome pre-competition nerves and post-competition processing. When she discovered a world out there that people were referring to as ‘sport psychology,’ she felt like a piece of her brain was unlocked. Reality shifted as she stumbled into a space consisting of the most beautiful blend of elite performance, mental well-being, and athletics.
Gabe is currently completing his Master’s in Counselling Psychology at the University of Victoria. Although Gabe played several years of high-level baseball, including a stint in the British Columbia Premier Baseball League (BCPBL), he chose hockey as his sport to pursue at the highest level possible. Gabe went on to play four years of junior hockey with the Richmond Sockeyes in the Pacific Junior Hockey League (PJHL) while also coaching minor hockey. Prior to junior hockey, Gabe played 3 years in the Canadian Sport School Hockey League (CSSHL) where he experienced the pressures and expectations of moving on to the next level. During those three years, Gabe constantly compared himself to others and struggled with coping when things did not go his way. Over time, he learned how to focus on his own process and path to the next level, while also developing strategies to improve well-being.
Louie is a mental performance coach from Toronto, Canada with a professional hockey career spanning over 14 years. Being a standout player at the University of Michigan, Louie was a Hobey Baker finalist and a 1st team All-American, which led him to getting drafted by the Ottawa Senators and playing in renowned leagues across the globe, including the DEL, SHL, and AHL.
Mia Landry is a former varsity hockey player at Brock University, where she competed at the USPORT level and was part of the 2021-22 OUA gold medal team. Mia currently represents Canada on the Women’s National Ball Hockey team and is pursuing a Master of Kinesiology Sport Psychology at her alma mater. Her research focuses on areas such as team cohesion, group dynamics, leadership styles, and sports culture.
As a former member of McMaster University’s women’s soccer team, Emilie intimately understands the demands and challenges athletes face on and off the field. Although she encountered many challenges as a high-level athlete, particularly struggling with self-doubt and overthinking, Emilie was able to make a remarkable transformation when she began to embrace the principles of sports psychology.
Max is currently attending William James College, where he is earning a Doctorate Degree in Clinical Psychology and a Masters Degree in Professional Psychology. During his time as an undergraduate student, Max was inducted into the International Honor Society in Psychology (Psi Chi), and played on the Quinnipiac University men’s club ice hockey team.
