In the world of youth sports, parents naturally become fans of their children—cheering on from the sidelines, wanting their kids to do well, and experiencing the highs and lows of sport.
However, there is a difference between being a fan and being a parent. And parents need to be mindful of how their approach to youth sports affects their child.
The Weight of Expectations
There’s a fine line between being a supportive parent and unintentionally adding pressure.
It’s okay to cheer for your child and show excitement.
But be careful of your language. Saying things like “This is such a big game!” while hyping them up and telling them how good they are might have the opposite effect that you want. Instead, it might make kids feel the weight of expectations and the pressure to be perfect.
Athletes Can’t Think Like Fans
When athletes adopt the mindset of a fan, they create a fantasy of winning and nightmares of losing. This causes them to feel the need to win (creating tension) and the fear of failure (creating worry).
Instead, athletes need to stay even-keel by keeping perspective. They can’t make the moment bigger than it is. They need to be able to accept and let go of the past and detach from the future so they can commit to the present and be in the moment.
Athletes Need One Voice
Athletes can’t be worried about what others think. They need to have one clear voice focused on the task at hand.
It’s why professional athletes need to be able to filter what fans say.
But when a parent acts like a fan and hypes up a game or their child, that’s a lot harder to filter because they are not just random fans. They are parents on the child’s inner team.
As Mental Performance Coaches, we certainly don’t hype up the athletes we work with—instead, we help them take ownership of their capabilities. We also don’t tell them what to think and feel; instead, we work with them so they can gain clarity on who they want to be. It needs to be their choice, and we help them strengthen their voice.
What Role Will You Play?
Parents don’t need to become experts in sports psychology or Mental Performance coaches. But I do encourage you to reflect on your role and how you want to approach youth sports.
Especially when it comes to communication – what you say and how you say it.
I’m not going to dive into the concerning parent behaviors like yelling instructions from the stands… let’s just say that is hard no.
And to be clear – you can be a fan. You will be a fan. The experience of sport is fun and should be fun. So enjoy the experience it as a fan.
At the same time, be mindful of your language. Avoid adding the weight of expectations. Encourage your child to develop resilience, own their capabilities, and be in the present moment.
Sports provide a great opportunity to develop life skills. So don’t overlook what I believe is the most important part of sports—personal development—because you got too caught up in being a fan.
Please share this with anyone you think would be interested.
Nicholas Santino is a Senior High-Performance Coach, PhD Candidate, and the official Mental Performance Consultant for Elite Prospects. From his specialized psychology research program, to his PhD studies, Nicholas has gained a tremendous foundation of knowledge and appreciation for the human experience. His passion for psychology has accumulated to a commitment to studying and applying positive psychology and stoicism. This commitment has led Nicholas to conduct many research studies focusing on understanding why and how some people thrive and prosper while others do not. His admiration for evidence-based solutions has propelled Nicholas to produce studies revolving around mindfulness, grit (perseverance and passion), performance, quality participation, social relationships, and well-being.
A Native of Quebec, Sara was part of the St. Lawrence University Women’s Ice Hockey team that competed in the NCAA Division 1 hockey league ECAC. During this time, Sara helped her team appear in four ECAC Hockey Tournaments and two NCAA Frozen Fours, and was a four-time member of the ECAC Hockey All-Academic Squad. Following her career at St. Lawrence University, Sara played one year of professional hockey with Lugano, where she truly honed her skills in understanding the intricate connection between mindset and performance.
Blair has over 13 years of experience as a Professional Dancer, Assistant Dance Captain & Cast Manager, as well as an additional 17 years of training. Over the last 3 decades, she has lived and experienced first hand the highest of highs & lowest of lows that come with pursuing a career in the Performing Arts.
Natasha Habert draws from her training in sport and performance psychology, personal experiences as a competitive athlete, and deep passion for consistent high performance. She is a lifelong athlete and high performer, excelling in volleyball as both a player and coach.
Luciano’s hockey career is highlighted by his time playing college at the University of Victoria and two professional seasons in Europe. Throughout his career, he struggled with performance anxiety, a lack of consistency, fluctuations in confidence, and being caught in the results trap. This eventually led him to deviate from the main reason why anyone should play sports – for the enjoyment of the game. As a former athlete, Luciano has a unique understanding of the psychological pressures and struggles that athletes experience.
Alexis is a professional female hockey player, Kaizen Sports representative, and former NCAA athlete who brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to our athletes. At a young age she allowed external factors to influence her game, resulting in her struggling to find confidence and consistency on the ice. As she began climbing the ranks as an athlete, she quickly realized that her confidence and mental toughness needed to be developed to compete at the highest level. As a professional athlete she has now developed a passion to help other athletes master their performance and excel on their journey through sport.
Sean Mahoney is a member of the Association for Applied Sport Psychology (AASP), and a Master’s candidate in the Sport and Performance Psychology program at the University of Denver. For as long as he can remember, Sean has been fascinated by human performance and how to gain an edge over the competition. For most of his athletic career, he focused on the physical aspect of performance but neglected the mental. Because of this, he struggled with performance anxiety, focus issues, and limiting beliefs pertaining to confidence and self-doubt. His lack of focus on optimizing his mental game prevented him from reaching his full potential.
Savannah Fitzgerald is earning her M.A. in Kinesiology, Sport Psychology Option at California State University, Fresno. Possessing an internal motor that fires her rage for success, Savannah forged this attribute over five years while competing as an NCAA D-I water polo player and swimmer. Combined with her opportunity to represent and compete for the United States, she feels that sport has significantly impacted her professional development. Due to her personal experience playing at all levels, Savannah’s passion for mental performance began when she struggled to overcome pre-competition nerves and post-competition processing. When she discovered a world out there that people were referring to as ‘sport psychology,’ she felt like a piece of her brain was unlocked. Reality shifted as she stumbled into a space consisting of the most beautiful blend of elite performance, mental well-being, and athletics.
Gabe is currently completing his Master’s in Counselling Psychology at the University of Victoria. Although Gabe played several years of high-level baseball, including a stint in the British Columbia Premier Baseball League (BCPBL), he chose hockey as his sport to pursue at the highest level possible. Gabe went on to play four years of junior hockey with the Richmond Sockeyes in the Pacific Junior Hockey League (PJHL) while also coaching minor hockey. Prior to junior hockey, Gabe played 3 years in the Canadian Sport School Hockey League (CSSHL) where he experienced the pressures and expectations of moving on to the next level. During those three years, Gabe constantly compared himself to others and struggled with coping when things did not go his way. Over time, he learned how to focus on his own process and path to the next level, while also developing strategies to improve well-being.
Louie is a mental performance coach from Toronto, Canada with a professional hockey career spanning over 14 years. Being a standout player at the University of Michigan, Louie was a Hobey Baker finalist and a 1st team All-American, which led him to getting drafted by the Ottawa Senators and playing in renowned leagues across the globe, including the DEL, SHL, and AHL.
Mia Landry is a former varsity hockey player at Brock University, where she competed at the USPORT level and was part of the 2021-22 OUA gold medal team. Mia currently represents Canada on the Women’s National Ball Hockey team and is pursuing a Master of Kinesiology Sport Psychology at her alma mater. Her research focuses on areas such as team cohesion, group dynamics, leadership styles, and sports culture.
As a former member of McMaster University’s women’s soccer team, Emilie intimately understands the demands and challenges athletes face on and off the field. Although she encountered many challenges as a high-level athlete, particularly struggling with self-doubt and overthinking, Emilie was able to make a remarkable transformation when she began to embrace the principles of sports psychology.
Max is currently attending William James College, where he is earning a Doctorate Degree in Clinical Psychology and a Masters Degree in Professional Psychology. During his time as an undergraduate student, Max was inducted into the International Honor Society in Psychology (Psi Chi), and played on the Quinnipiac University men’s club ice hockey team.
